Das Burgerreich: the Enfattening
Long have I wondered: would the impossible whopper taste better if bk didn’t support genocide?
I apologize for the lack of posts recently. I’ve been cooking up something multifaceted and undeniably eclectic— as such, I simply have a short piece today. But, I hope it will leave you hungry for more. Stay tuned for my long, long journey about masculinity and fascism later this week. Until then, try your best to steal as much time as possible from your job. It’s the little victories.
I love burger. I am a fat American in many ways, but this is paramount among them: I really enjoy a juicy, flame-grilled burger. Sometimes I even need all the works.
Since I stopped eating meat, the most consistent burger I get is a beyond burger with a fried egg and caramelized onions from a decent, sit-down restaurant1. The most accessible burger, however, is burger king’s impossible whopper.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love an impossy whoppy. But, of course, I am a feeling and thinking being, and the fact that Burger King is a supporter of Israeli genocide is a really tough hurdle for me to clamber my fat ass over. So, we stopped eating the Isn’treal Whopper, and with it have discovered that there are plenty of other ways to smash 1k calories at once.
It got me thinking about our relationship with food, the most essential of commodities, as Americans. Naturally, I thought of my truest, guiltiest pleasure: Starbucks.
The most recent addition to an already-eclectic Starbucks menu is crazy: the spicy falafel pocket. Its description:
Smashed falafel, creamy hummus, roasted red bell peppers, pickled onions and a spicy herb sauce wrapped inside a toasted lavash flatbread.
Sounds great for a vegetarian like me! At first..
Because as soon as I notice some type of bread I’ve never heard of, I, as a baker of many things (including my self), need to know about this thing. And thankfully, there is a full primer about the history and cultural significance of Lavash bread in Armenian society historically and contemporarily.
Amazing! A new kind of cultural staple commodified by a corporation controlling 7.5% of the fast food market share.
The hummus’ provenance: the Levant. Ancient. Yet, no mention of the P-word (Palestine, for those still learning about geography).
We can consume the wonderful flatbread of the Armenians now; the U.S. sat back and did nothing while the Ottomans massacred and ethnically cleansed them during World War I.
We can enjoy spicy2 falafel pockets, with creamy hummus whose origins are the area that has been bombed more than 5 Hiroshima nuclear detonations with our tax dollars.
We can eat food because our land is not under siege and then denied international aid.
The familiar adage “there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism” may be absolutely correct, but it is obviously not relatively correct. There are good and bad companies to purchase from. And the choice of not consuming through purchasing commodities — while challenging — does exist.
Don’t fucking go to Chick-fil-A you cretins. It’s not that hard, he says, on his way to McDonald’s. Starbucks fascism is still fascism, even though you can get extra cold foam to top it off.
Comrades, keep your eyes peeled for a new post later this week. I think it's going to be a good one. At least, I hope after all the thinking I’ve done about it, it’ll make sense. If not, then at least I tried.
Evo Brewing in Salisbury. Also try their Brussels and their desserts.
To be clear, these are not even spicy by white person standards.